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TOP 10 LISTS Rick Gagliano | 9/28/04 This page is devoted to everything that doesn't get categorized somewhere else, which would be humor, lists, poetry, and assorted oddities that come across my desk or into my psyche. I've always been a big fan of lists, especially TOP TEN LISTS. Back in the early to mid-80s, when Downtown Magazine was a regular weekly newspaper, I ran a couple of top ten lists, basically predating David Letterman's by a number of years. Of course, nobody can patent or copyright the idea for top ten lists, not even Dave Letterman himself, who actually tried to, though the ideas and the actual lists are protected under copyright laws. For these and various other reasons, I have begun to compile a set of lists concerning the top ten best and sometimes the top ten worst in a variety of areas. The first two I came up with are quite different from each other and I did them for entirely different reasons. The first top ten list included the best and worst reasons for taking out a home equity loan. The idea came to me as I was reviewing my finances and discovered that my home was acctually worth the money I've been putting into it the past few months (anyone living in my neighborhood has probably seen me working on the house through September and October - it's done now, happily). So, I'm thinking, "nobody paid me a nickel to do all this work, yet I feel somehow enriched." That's when I started thinking about a home equity loan. I have plenty of equity and though I don't necessarily need the extra cash (but who couldn't use some?), I started looking around. Then I started thinking about it, and decided to do a list. I ended up being of the mind type that falls between the second and third worst reasons to get one, so I'm happy for the experience of writing it out. I turned out to be a poor candidate for getting a home equity loan, and am now happy with my equity and not having to pay it back because I foolishly borrowed it. The second list I did was about what dogs think about. It started when I saw a TV commercial with a yellow lab in it and the dog reminded me of my recently departed best buddy, Prince. You must realize that dogs have a lot of free time - time to do a lot of thinking - and I have always thought of them as fairly deep thinkers, maybe. But just what are they thinking about. That's the newest list, dedicated to Prince: Top Ten Things Dogs Probably Think About. I hope readers will gain something from these lists and I will pledge to produce more. There are a number of article categories that could go in here, like horse racing, taco eating, horoscopes, numerology, comics, crossword puzzles, mind games, sex talk, famous and infamous quotes, like the regular feature of Downtown Magazine, the "Toast of the Town," which was a popular feature back in the 1980s. Personal ads and photos of people's pets - dogs, cats, birds, snakes, rabbits - could also go in here.

TOP TEN LISTS Top 10 Best and Worst Reasons to get a home equity loan Top 10 Things Dogs Probably Think About Top Ten Population Growth Counties by Percentage 1990-2000 Top Ten Selling Record Albums (LPs) of All Time HOROSCOPES FOR REALISTS ARIES (March 21-April 19): Somebody is watching you... while you're showering. So, you might want to stop what you've been doing in the tub or maybe check for hidden cameras. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If it seems like the world is passing you by, it's because it is. There's nothing you can do about it either. You are pretty much hopelessly behind in all aspects of human endeavors. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You could be getting a surprise at work soon. Now, before you get all excited, it could be a raise, or a promotion or it just could be that you're about to be hit with a sexual misconduct lawsuit or, better yet, you're going to be part of the company's downsizing efforts. Unemployment will give you time to reflect on where you want to waste the next ten years of your life. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Love is in the air. Unfortunately, it's the leftover smell of last night's little tyrst (and believe us, it was little). Please remember to bathe regularly. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Health issues take center stage. Those annoying warts just won't seem to go away and the prescription drugs you've been taking - did you read the warning labels? Let's see, may cause drowsiness, nausea, vomiting, cramps, unsightly nose hair, blindness!!! Time to get a new doctor, preferably one which doesn't have the skull and crossbones on his medical diploma. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You're almost perfect! Just kidding. You are a boorish, fat, stupid, lazy, worthless moron. That's all. You want advice? Tall building. Leap. There you go. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Now is the time to take account of your finances, since you haven't done so in six months. Yes, it's true, credit cards should not be used to buy DVDs, lattes, breast implants (especially if they're not for you) and that water polo set. What were you thinking? SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Getting even with somebody who really hates you is a good idea, especially if they're not expecting it. Now is the time to unleash all that spam you've been storing and email it to your "special friend." Ha, ha, ha. Revenge is sweet, no? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Listening to others is something you should contemplate. You will be asked to do tasks which seem out of the ordinary. Buy stocks in companies which specialize in baby products. If you believe any of this, you're dumber than you look. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You're surrounded! Drop that fork and step away from the buffet, fatty! AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Just because you think you are smarter than other people doesn't mean they can't dislike you and talk behind your back. Your lucky number is one, the number of fingers raised in your direction most often. Lucky you. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Many people think you are deep, devout and inspiring. They are right, of course. You are deeply in debt and devoted to porn. You inspire others to stay far away from you.